Why Mindset Work Isn't Enough: The Body Knows More
Quick question. How many times have you been told to shift your mindset or change your perspective, and everything will be ok?
If you're anything like the women I work with, the answer is probably too many times to count. And if you're here, I'm guessing it stopped working for you. Or maybe it never quite worked the way it was supposed to.
This episode is about why mindset work isn’t enough and what can work.
We talk about the knowing that lives in your body, the one that shows up before your brain can explain the situation, the one you probably talked yourself out of more times than you'd like to admit. We get into where it comes from, why so many of us lost access to it, and what it actually takes to find your way back.
I also share some personal stories in this one, including the loss of my daughter. So just know that going in.
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Now I want to hear from you.
How many times have you overridden yourself? Gone against that quiet knowing in your body because it didn't make sense on paper, or because someone else had a different opinion, or because you just weren't sure you could trust it?
Tell me about it in the comments. The big moments and the small ones. Because so many women come to this space looking for proof that they're not alone in this. And your story might be exactly what someone else needs to read today.
Share directly in the comments below. Links to other posts or videos will be removed.
Thank you, truly, for being here and for trusting this space with your stories. You are what makes this community feel like home.
With endless love, Kendra 💜
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Hello and welcome to a Little More You podcast. This is a place for women who are done being who they're supposed to be and ready to step into their truth. If your life looks great on paper and you've done all the things that society said you should do, or you're trying to keep up with all the things that society said you should do.
You feel like there's something still missing, then you're in the right place. This is where we make space for you to listen inward to the wisdom that already resides within you and bring a little more you into the world. Hi, I'm Kendra and I'm honored to walk this path with you today. during our conversation today, we are going to get into helping you remember that you have a knowing inside of you and it knows what's best and highest good for you and for the people around you, and that you can trust it [00:01:00] even though the world has probably told you not to.
I do have a quick warning at the beginning of this episode because I am going to mention and talk about , the stillbirth of my daughter in this episode. , If that's triggering for you, please, you know, maybe skip this one and move on to the next one. So let's get into it.
Have you ever experienced a moment in your life where you had this deep, full body inner knowing moment where you just knew a moment where you felt something in your body before your mind could really explain it or something? Was absolutely certain, even without logic behind it, without having to have proof for why you felt the way you did, you just knew in your bones and in your body this was right for you.
I have [00:02:00] two. I'll tell you a couple of examples in my life when I was. Early in my childhood when I was like 10, I could hear my parents downstairs whispering. They weren't arguing loudly, but I could tell there was tension in their voice. And it happened over the course of like two or three weeks. And for context, my parents never argued.
Never raised their voice at each other, never yelled, and I could feel up in my bedroom on the second floor that something wasn't quite right. I knew in my bones and in my body that something bad was coming. And a few weeks later, they told us they were getting a divorce. I've also had experiences in my adulthood.
Many, but I'll give you just a couple, four dates. After meeting my husband, I stood in a bathroom at a bar and I looked in the mirror and I was like, oh shit. I'm gonna marry this guy. Like this is it. I'm done. I could feel it in my body. I just knew [00:03:00] we had four dates, we just knew. And then when my husband and I were searching for a house, we'd been searching for three years and.
We had had, we'd put in several offers. We live in an area where it's very difficult, competitive market, but nothing really stuck. And one night we had looked at a house a few weeks before and one night I told my husband, we really need to go back and look at that house again. And he was like. Why, why?
We both know we don't wanna go to that house. I was like, I don't know. I just, we just need to go. We just need to do it. And for some reason, so we set it all up. It was, you know, a few days later we had our realtor come into town and as we're driving to that house, we open up, you know. Home apps, I don't remember what it was.
And two streets over. There was a new house that had come on the market that morning and we went and we looked and we put in an offer and we made some incentives and we were like, we want this house. You need to make a decision [00:04:00] tonight. And we got it. This is it. We've been living here ever since. And so I also have, and this is where we get into kind of trigger warning here, when I was.
In labor with my first born child, we'd had 40 weeks and five days totally normal pregnancy. We were in labor, I was in a facility, I was with nurses. And when, I had been checked and when. I asked the nurse to check me again because I was like, I need somebody to check me again. My body knew something wasn't right and we had lost my daughter.
We had no heartbeat. It's like our bodies know things before our minds or our consciousness does. We all have this inside of us. This deep inner wisdom that the world can't quite explain to [00:05:00] us. It isn't always rational. When my husband looked at me and was like, why do we need to go look at that house again?
Or when the nurse looked at me and was like, why do I need to check you again like I just did. It's, it doesn't always make sense, and yet it is information real, true, honest, and trustworthy information that frankly we've been taught to ignore, especially as women, we've been taught to ignore this internal knowing.
If you're anything like me, from a very early, early age, you were taught to look outside yourself for answers to your big life questions, to look for other people's opinions.
Even like authority figures knew better than you maybe asking your family or your parents, or even frankly like influencers or advertisers or people who are trying to sell [00:06:00] you something, telling you what is sensible, reasonable, and appropriate for you. Our school systems. Reward if you were in a public school system in the United States.
, They absolutely reward compliance over our inner truth, our inner knowing, our inner wisdom. It's all about approval through grades and through teachers' perceptions of what's right and what's wrong. Our social systems and structures, including religions center on being accepted by the group and fitting in rather than.
Valuing personal self-expression. We've been taught that, belonging to these groups and external validation matters more than our internal signals and our corporate structures, you know, just they reinforce it all. They praise logic and knowledge and being able to back everything [00:07:00] up with evidence.
Where's the data? Where's the proof? And if you can't explain why, you know something, you get dismissed as, oh, that's just a feeling a, a gut reaction. You know, we shouldn't listen to that.
Many of us were taught that the self isn't to be trusted. This internal knowing that wisdom inside of us, that it's not to be trusted. I believe that the unlearning of this story is our generation's work.
So first, let me explain what I mean by. Internal knowing. In the academic world, they describe this internal knowing as intuition or, and I'm gonna read some words to you here, rapid, largely unconscious pattern recognition that synthesizes past experiences and emotional data into a sense of knowing.
It's a holistic perception, and the [00:08:00] key mechanism science says is a somatic marker. So these are anticipatory bodily signals. What comes up through your body that help guide our behavior, often functioning below awareness, but sometimes surfacing into this like consciousness as either what people describe as kind of a gut feeling.
, I don't like to use just gut feeling because our sensations, our, , senses. Can be much more than just in your gut. So just take that with a grain of salt there.
What the academic literature, I think doesn't name and probably never will 'cause they don't get into this world,. Is where that knowing comes from. They'll, they'll do their best to explain it, but, and here's kind of how they explain it. Several studies frame, especially women's intuition as a form of [00:09:00] somatic intelligence.
It's wisdom that's rooted in the body. And researchers argue that. Women's specifically women's intuition has a heightened sensitivity and a more intuitive capacity because it has evolved over time in response to caregiving roles and being adaptive. And because we are more in touch with our emotions,
all of that plays a key role in generating these, like embodied knowing and informing that intuition. So they'll explain it by saying that it's based on, the evolution of the role that women have played in society, and then also the neuroscience and the experience of knowing based on our past experiences.
But I believe they haven't quite hit the root of it yet, and that our intuition is deeper and more divine than what science yet explains or wants to explain, really. [00:10:00] But more importantly, science has done one thing to show us that this capacity to be intuitive is not. Fixed. So here's what this means.
Okay? If we've established in this conversation that we have a knowing like science says we do, we can feel it in our bodies. If we know that that's true, then why is it sometimes really, really hard for us to access that? And here's what science says, that it's a fluid capacity. So what that means is that it's not fixed.
Trauma in our lives can sever the connection between this sensation that we feel and the meaning and interpreting it, and it can disrupt our internal compass. So, All those ways that our system has discouraged this [00:11:00] capacity is what I would consider a little T trauma over time.
If we are told through our schools, through our. Religions through our cultural systems, through our family structures over and over and over and over again, we are discouraged to expand or listen to or pay attention to this capacity to be intuitive. That is what I would consider little t traumas over and over and over, and over and over.
It is suppressing your internal knowing. But science does explain, and this is why this is, this is why this is so important. Science does explain that. Healing through co-regulation, through somatic awareness and relational safety offers a path back to this internal knowing, which is what I hold space for in all of my programs and in my in-person events.
What was hyper vigilance [00:12:00] can become. Attunement and what was disassociation can become presence and awareness and knowing and witnessing our internal wisdom. So I wanna just take a moment here and pause, because if we know that our internal knowing is there, but we also know that our. Structures and systems have not encouraged it, have not allowed us to expand our capacity to listen to and be aware of and pay attention to this internal knowing.
Little T traumas. We sit in a place where we are disconnected from. This divine, I believe divine right, that we have to guide our lives from this place of internal knowing your internal wisdom isn't just around for the big stuff. So when I asked you at the [00:13:00] beginning have you ever felt a full body experience of knowing.
Probably what came to mind is the big stuff. Maybe when you met your husband, like I said, when I gave an example of my situation or when you walked in the house. These are big things, but the thing is our intuition is with us. All the time. It's not just in the big things. It knows what's the right next step for you and that will lead you to the highest good for yourself and for the world around you.
So I believe that, being able to reconnect with our internal wisdom and our internal knowing is an opportunity for us to express ourselves in. The ways that feel most true for us. And when we do, we are more accepting of others doing the same, and I believe collectively that makes [00:14:00] us, a much healthier population.
So if this is something , that you wanna dive into a little more, I do have a free 10 day true reset. I'll put it a link in the comments if you want to start there. It's a beautiful place to start to remember that you have an internal knowing and just being able to witness and pay attention to and listen to it.
So if that's something that. Feels, you know, called for you, it's totally free. You can go grab it in the link, below. , If you're like me and you're in this midlife phase, you've probably grown up during an age of where an age of what they call the age of knowledge.
It's a time where. We used to live in , this industrial age, where factories were a thing and you know, knowledge wasn't necessarily required, but your body was to like be at the thing and scan the thing or in the farms. and we've, we [00:15:00] moved into we technology, this age of knowledge. It's been a time where there's been so much emphasis on and value put on our minds and our intellect and what our brains can do for our bodies, and frankly, how our brains can control our bodies.
I don't know if anybody else is super tired of hearing.
We should just shift our mindsets or change our perspectives or override what our bodies are telling us and everything will be okay. It's not gonna be okay. , We've heard things over and over in our lifetime. Mind never matter. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. Your body achieves what the mind believes.
Once you control your mind, you can conquer your body,
change your thoughts, and you can change the world. Feel the fear, but do it anyway. It's like, you know, just do it. Whether no matter what you're feeling, just go do it. [00:16:00] And all those encourage us to suppress the body's messages. And I know, you know, don't write me in and say, , don't put in the comments, you know, certainly with like elite athletes or if we're needing to move past an uncomfortable experience, these might be appropriate messages for moments.
But what I am talking about is a. Pervasive culture of a consistent message to override your body for what your mind says is best. So what I'm saying here is that those messages. Are mainstream and they're consistent and they're thrown at us all the time. And because of that, we have become super disconnected from our bodies and we miss these messages and these signals that our body is trying to give to us.
And our capacity is small to pay attention to [00:17:00] and to notice and recognize. When we're getting those signals, we haven't grown our capacity to pay attention to those signals. And here's the thing, our intuition, our divine wisdom, our internal knowing speaks to us through our bodies and therefore. If we've been taught, not just to suppress our bodies, but we end up then suppressing this divine internal knowing.
And I, I hope, and I believe in my bones, that that is starting to change. I believe it kind of has to in a time where we're experiencing. You know this onslaught of AI and what does it mean for the future of the human race? It's gonna start doing, AI is gonna start taking over a lot of this [00:18:00] like knowledge work.
The mind part that we've put so much emphasis on and so much value on, it's going to be able to do a lot of that work for us. And so. What's the one thing that AI cannot create for us? And one of the things that makes us uniquely human is this internal intuition knowing, This consciousness, this, sometimes I use the word soul. this internal knowing because AI is gonna have the data, the information, the historical reference. the historical reference based on what it can access. Because I believe some historical references have been wiped from our history. And so it will not have access to that.
But we do. Because it's a part of our knowing. We're in a time where the world will be looking, I think, to better [00:19:00] understand the spiritual or the divine body and how it speaks to us and raises up to us through us, and i'm not talking about religion here, so I wanna make this really clear.
Talking about something that I believe is more sacred than what we've been taught is religion. I'm talking about a divine knowing, a divine feminine. In all of us , we're , flipping the script from we're flipping it upside down or inside out. However, whatever resonates with you.
But we're going from a time period where our brains were seen as valuable and our brains were what told our bodies what to do. Like that was the channel I think that we've been working within to a new channel and a channel that comes from. An unknown place inside ourselves, [00:20:00] inside our bodies, and speaks to us through our bodies and out, up into our brains and out into the world, through our voice, through our messaging, through how we behave and interact with other humans.
So I feel like we're going from. A time where our minds dictated our next direction to a place where our inner wisdom has to become our guide. Because if AI is taking over a lot of that knowledge piece, we cannot just look at the data that AI or the, the response that AI gives us and think, okay, we're all good.
We got to have some sort of internal compass to help us check and be aware and understand whether or not that's really the right direction for us. ' If we don't take a moment to check ourselves before taking AI at its full [00:21:00] value, we're gonna end up further down a road of other people outside external forces influencing how we behave and how we choose to live and how we wanna show up in our lives.
So like I said, the internal wisdom is there all the time. For the big stuff, yes, for the monumental moments, yes, but also it shows up in those small hesitations. It shows up in the quiet whispers that you hear that say, don't go in that elevator. It shows up in the things that you almost said, but you stopped because you were afraid of how somebody else might react in that situation.
It speaks to you through sensations and senses in your body. It's not just sensations that are like, this person feels uncomfortable, so I'm gonna leave. But it's also the ones that whisper that this [00:22:00] is who I am and this is what I want, and I wanna show up in the world and express myself in this way.
Your internal knowing is not just a feeling, it's your essence. It's your true self, it's your consciousness, it's your, dare I say, soul, whatever you wanna call it. It's your guidance. It is uniquely yours. No one out there, and I say this all the time as a coach, I am not here to tell you what to do or how to live your life.
I am here to reconnect you with that internal knowing so that you know. And can expand your capacity to listen to that internal knowing and make choices based on that. Whether or not I agree with you is re irrelevant. It is about what feels best for you.
[00:23:00] Okay, so if you've gotten this far, you may be asking yourself, you're like, Kendra, okay, I'm on board. I get this. I, I feel this. I'm, I'm all on it. How do I listen to it? How do I expand my capacity? If all these things have been telling me not to, what do I do? How do I start? Expanding my capacity. So here you go.
Here are three ways you can expand your capacity. The first one is I'm going to work with you just right now, here in this moment. We're gonna take a moment right now to just close your eyes. I take a couple of deep, slow breaths and let yourself just be here. If you're in your car, don't close your eyes.
Just take a deep breath.
And then just ask yourself honestly from this quiet moment of stillness, when I feel alone in the quiet of the night before I fall asleep, maybe, what does my soul yearn for in life right [00:24:00] now?
Not what do I want or. What makes sense for me right now, but not even just like what could I reasonably justify right now, but what does your soul yearn for in this life?
And do yourself a favor here because your mind is gonna try to come in, forget about, I could never do that. Or how could I ever have that? Just notice what surfaces and give it space.
Now, if you dare imagine if there were no limitations in your life, what would you do if no one expected you anywhere tomorrow if no one needed you to? Pack a school lunch or drive carpool, or
be at the family dinner. Imagine if there were no limitations, [00:25:00] what would you do?
And when you're ready, if you had your eyes closed, you can open your eyes and just maybe take a moment to write some of that down if you want. This is information not to be dismissed. It's to be cherished. That's the first way you can start to just begin to listen to is actually ask. Ask, what is it you want me to be doing right now?
What do you yearn for in this moment? And the second thing is to begin to lean towards practices that are rooted more in the body. not for the capacity to build muscle or to get skinnier, but to build self-trust.
. Things that feel really, really grounded. You can dance in your living room if that's all you got. You can do breath work. There's tons of information about breath work out there these days. There's yoga nidra, which I personally adore and love because [00:26:00] you get to lay on the floor and just let it all kind of seep in and that speaks to me.
. Anything that gets you out of your head and into your bones. Into your body, because that's where your wisdom lives, not in your pros and cons list, although I get it. I make 'em do. , It doesn't live in the rational arguments that you're trying to build for yourself.
It's in the places where you can say. I know in my bones that this is right for me. I don't need to explain it to anybody. I don't need to have proof or data to show why. I just know this is what I wanna do and how I wanna show up in life. And the third way that you can support expanding this capacity to listen to your internal knowing is to consider what supports your.
Ability to grow this capacity or [00:27:00] your greatness in your life.
So what spaces, people, experiences, or things do you let into your life? Or into your mind, hello, social media and news and all the things that we let into our mind that we didn't. We don't necessarily consent to let it all in, but if you're scrolling, it's coming in and , because all that impacts your energy.
What are you letting into your space? What are you paying attention to? Are you doom scrolling? Are you getting stuck in negative conversations about the state of the world? Because that's the reality we live in. What are you surrounding yourself with that shapes what's next for you? So this is about an environment.
So take a quick assessment just like where am I spending my time, and who am I spending my time with, and how does that make me feel? Be [00:28:00] intentional about what you're surrounding yourself with right now and who you're surrounding yourself with, and know that those energies do shape your experience
Just a reminder to wrap us up here. Your wisdom is always with you. It's always there, and it's not your fault if you don't know how to listen to it or you haven't listened to it or it feels faint to you. That's because we live in systems that haven't encouraged you to build this capacity, but it is buildable.
I am here to help if that is something that you would like to engage with. I have group coaching programs. I also have one-on-one coaching, and you can find me in links below. I also, like I said, have that free, 10 day true you reset. If you wanna take advantage of that, it's a great place to start. It's just 10 to 15 minutes a day of just returning to and listening to [00:29:00] your inner wisdom and letting go of the world's expectations and the wor and the noise, really letting go of the noise and just returning back to what's true for you. So as always, when we wrap up this podcast, just notice what resonates with you, what felt true for you. If anything, let that guide you gently forward.
Until next time, may your days be guided by your inner wisdom and filled with a little more you.
Hi there, I’m Kendra.
I’m a woman forever changed by loss and by the quiet clarity that followed. I walked away from the life I was “supposed” to want and began creating one that felt like home.
Now I work with women who are ready to reclaim their identity, their relational sovereignty, and their soulful leadership. The ones who are done shrinking and ready to start living in their truth.