Depth Before Direction: How to Set Goals From Inner Truth, Not Pressure
If you’ve spent much of your life setting goals, making plans, and trying to decide what’s next but still never quite feel fulfilled by all that chasing of goals, this episode is for you.
In Depth Before Direction, we explore why so many women make decisions that look right externally but feel heavy internally and how slowing down long enough to listen to your inner wisdom can change everything.
This episode will help you understand why clarity doesn’t come from doing more, but from going inward first and aligning your life’s direction from there. You’ll learn how to recognize when a direction is rooted in external influences rather than internal alignment, and how to begin choosing from a place that feels truer in your body and your soul.
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Now, I’d love to hear from you.
Where do you notice pressure showing up in your choices right now and what might it look like to listen inward first?
If you feel called, share your reflections in the comments below. Other thoughtful, soulful women read and reflect here. Your words may offer clarity, validation, or courage to someone who needs it more than you realize.
Please share your thoughts directly in the comments. Links to outside content will be removed so this space stays grounded, intentional, and supportive.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for adding your voice to this community. It is the depth, honesty, and care you bring that makes this space what it is.
With love and appreciation,
Kendra 💜
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[00:00:00] Welcome to the A Little More You podcast. This is the space for women navigating change for souls who feel the quiet pull towards something deeper, something softer, something a little more true. I'm Kendra and I'm honored to walk your path. In today's episode, we're gonna talk about going into the depths before we make decisions about direction.
In the last few days in my world, I've been facilitating some new workshops lately, and just in conversations and coworking environments that I haven't been in and. There's been a lot of conversation about how when people meet me, we tend to go deep pretty quick, and that's partly because I introduced myself with my story and my story of grief and loss and going through the experience of losing my daughter who was still born 11 years ago.
And I joked with someone, I was like, I should really? Yeah. But she [00:01:00] goes to the depths on my website because I really do. I don't like small talk. I enjoy deep, meaningful conversations, and I love to go to the root of why we do the things we do, including myself. And what I've noticed recently in these conversations is that.
Women are really craving some more meaningful conversations. We've spent a lot of time in our lives, and if you're a busy woman and you're overloaded and you're just trying to figure things out and how to balance it all, you may not have a lot of space or time for deep, meaningful conversations, but I think we're all craving that.
I think we're all looking for it. So that's what I'm hoping to bring to this conversation today is a little bit of depth and some recommendations on, how to go deep before you start setting your directions for your goals or your life or your resolutions or whatever it is you're trying to maybe go do [00:02:00] in life is to pause and go deep first.
Like I said, a lot of women are. Busy, overwhelmed, trying to figure it all out. How do we balance all this? And I just wanna acknowledge, first of all that you know, we would live in a world where, we are being constantly bombarded in ways that we never have been in the history of the human race.
And so give yourself a little grace. Let's start there. But we're all trapped in these superficial conversations and endless advice about how to manage it all. We're told that we should be grateful for the lives that we have and that it could be worse. And so just keep doing what you're doing and eventually you'll feel happy.
The takeaway from all that noise coming in at us is that we should be able to handle all of it. And if we're not handling it all, then we're failing or that we should be able to do all the things. And if you can't, there's something wrong with you if you can't keep up, or maybe you're [00:03:00] internalizing this idea of your life looks good.
I shouldn't feel sad or depressed or unhappy or unfulfilled. I shouldn't feel unfulfilled because my life is pretty good on, in comparison to other people. My life is pretty good. All that turns into so much internal tension and anxiety and self-doubt. We live in a world that's really.
We live in a world that's really obsessed with strategies, five steps, 10 hacks, one right way to do things. But rarely do we pause and ask ourself how does that thing feel? How does my soul feel about me going and doing all of that? I'm recording this episode in January, so as you can imagine, there are tons of conversations about goals and resolutions right now, and here's my thought to share with you.
Not advice, not recommendation, actually, it's just a thought. [00:04:00] What if we. Decided that before we set our direction for what's next in our life, we went to the depths of what's happening inside of us. So today's episode is all about depth before direction
so what happens when we. Set our direction without taking a moment to go to the depths of our soul and think about, and acknowledge and witness and recognize what our soul is saying. What happens when we don't do that? What? And you can tell me in the comments whether or not any of this resonates with you.
If you're feeling any of this. In our fast-paced world, we often set goals pretty quickly. If you've ever worked in a tech environment I used to be a consultant In those worlds, there's this conversation about go real fast, iterate, break things. And while I think that's great for that environment, I don't know that it works for our humanness.
We make plans really fast. We, we make decisions really fast. And oftentimes in our human [00:05:00] life, we do it by gathering perspectives from multiple different outside sources. We survey our friends and our family and ask them, what should I do? What should I do? And then . We end up setting our direction based on what everyone else thinks we should do.
. And we look for all those answers outside of ourselves. Like when I decided to get my master's degree because my boss said it would be a good idea here I am, thousands of dollars later, sleepless nights in my twenties, sacrificing my weekends, and I have a degree.
Yes. And don't get me wrong, my degree has served me. I found a program I really liked, but the question is. Was it really my desire is that where I wanted to spend my money and effort was on that program to get me further in a job that here I am at let's say 20 years later, and that's not even really my passion or interest now.[00:06:00]
I couldn't have known that Then we make the best decisions we can at the time, and I get that, but I wanna make. Choices and decisions in my life from a different place moving forward,
direction without depth, can feel eventually empty and frankly exhausting. Like I remember driving to school after work, sitting in the parking lot, taking a nap before class, and it's not the effort that was wrong. Like effort is good. Sometimes it's really worth it, but it's only worth it in my. Wisdom. In my knowledge, it's only worth it if it's something that you actually want to go do.
Otherwise, if it's something you're doing because somebody else said you should, it's draining and it's exhausting, and you end up on the other side depleted instead of exhilarated. For example, I did [00:07:00] some workshops this weekend. They were the first that I ever held space for a long period of time for a large ER group that I'm used to holding space for, and I was exhausted when it was over.
I was tired, I was emotionally drained. But let me tell you. By the time I rested, I took my my evening to rest and to recoup. By the end of the next day, I was completely revived and invigorated that. This is definitely something I wanna keep doing. So there's definitely a difference between choosing to be and work and do things in spaces that are of your own choice and have come from the depths of your wisdom.
So what do I actually mean when I say go deep? Or what is depth?
For many of us, what we are chasing in life comes outside, comes from outside of ourselves. It comes from our parents, our teachers, our society saying, this is the path you should go. This is the path you should go. This is the [00:08:00] direction you should go. And depth is the opposite of that. Depth is radical honesty with yourself.
It's awareness of how your body responds when you are considering different directions and different options and different choices. And actually it's not really heavy. It is noticing what feels aligned and then noticing what feels like tension. Depth isn't about. What's going on in your head, in your mind? I, there's value in knowledge and understanding in our knowledge in our minds. But many times our minds aren't necessarily putting us on the path that is most true to ourselves.
Depth speaks, oh wait, let's go back. Depth is not your mind. It speaks from your soul and it resides in your body. Depth is simply [00:09:00] connecting with your inner knowing that part of you that already knows which direction is the truest for you, it doesn't necessarily mean it's gonna be the easiest for you.
And a lot of times, these truth decisions, these decisions that are aligned with our inner wisdom and inner knowledge. Many times, they're not the quote unquote easiest, they're not the easiest decision to make because they're probably gonna ruffle some feathers. They may disrupt your life. They may mean sacrifice, they may mean hard conversations.
So I don't want to, dismiss the fact that if you follow your truth, that it's all gonna be
easy. It's not necessarily easy. It feels better, it feels more aligned. It feels like your truth. It feels right even though it's hard. Okay? So if you've ever read or listened to anything by Martha Beck, she calls this coming to our senses versus coming to [00:10:00] consensus. So we're not gonna ask everyone around us, what do you think I should do?
What do you think I should do? And if you don't know who Martha Beck is. She's an awesome, very internationally known, well-known life coach, and I love this because it just reminds us that we are going to go to the depths of our own senses and our own awareness and our own knowledge about what direction to go, rather than relying on everybody externally outside of us to dictate.
What would make us happy? What would make us joyful? What would make our lives feel meaningful and fulfilling? Because no one else can really know that but you, they, everybody's gonna have an opinion about what could, but no one really knows what will. So here's what's possible when you start to go deep.
. So here's what's possible when you start to go deep, when you decide to pause, take a step back and. [00:11:00] Listen to your inner wisdom. First, your choices feel a little clearer. Again, not easier, but clearer. Maybe you're like I know why I need to go do this thing. You put the effort in. And you're tired.
Like I said, you, when I did my workshops this weekend, I was tired. But you also feel like a little bit on the flip side, energized. You're like, this is where I'm supposed to be. This is what I'm supposed to be doing. I know it's draining and I know it's difficult because I'm holding space for women who are grieving and going through loss and going through, moments of awakening around the way they've been living and what they want next in their lives. That's some pretty heavy stuff, and it does create some emotional drain, but it, I know that's where I wanna be. Your direction starts to feel natural and aligned. You stop. Forcing it. You start trying to, you stop trying to get to the outcome and [00:12:00] you start trusting your direction.
Direction becomes supportive instead of stressful. So if you've ever worked in a corporate environment, I come from a corporate environment and I actually taught people smart goals for years and years, and I thought I needed to use those for myself. But what I felt was that when you had this like place that you were supposed to get.
It was hard to get there. It felt stressful. So when we start from the inside and we know internally what it is that you wanna do in life, and you set your direction against that, it's no longer as stressful. As maybe it has been if you've been setting your goals and your direction based on everybody else's recommendation.
I'll give you another example.
I will give you an example. My husband and I went through fertility treatments after the loss of our daughter. I've, I had been through a surgery and we had several months of [00:13:00] initial treatments, and when those initial treatments didn't work, we were faced with a decision either stop, completely, go the IVF route.
Or go potentially the adoption route. We went to an informational session about each, and I have to tell you that I left crying after both the adoption and the IVF, but for very different reasons. After the IVF session, I cried because it didn't feel right and frankly, honestly, I was a little. I was a little disappointed and sad that it didn't feel right because it meant for me that there was a chance that I would never biologically have my own child because I didn't.
I knew in my bones I really didn't wanna go the IVF route. And for those of you who have no shame, no judgment, again, this is all about making decisions that are right for you. My decision was it wasn't right for me.
I was in desperate [00:14:00] need to take some time to reflect because if I didn't choose that IVL route, it meant most likely no biological children for me and for someone who grew up in a very religious family. I had also been told from a very young age that my purpose in life was to have children. And so not only was this, decision weighing on me as just what direction am I going and what's right for me from a child perspective. But it was meeting up against some old stories, old truths. No, it was beating up against some old stories that I had been carrying around in my life for a very long time that I needed to reconcile with.
So I packed up and went to Bali for two weeks and I know, this is an extreme example in a sense that we can't all just pick up and go to Bali when we have to make a decision, but this was a big life decision and butting up against some of my big limiting beliefs [00:15:00] that I needed to go reconcile with.
And so it. It required as, so I needed to go to the depths that match the gravity of the situation,
ultimately, I decided against IVF and I realized, and I released the idea of having biological children. Funny story, the way life works. Seven weeks later I was pregnant. Completely, naturally. No effort, no treatments. Now I'm not saying this happens for everyone. And there are so many women out there who can't have children, and this is not their story.
And for those of you who, that is , I understand that place and my heart is with you. But this is an example in my story of what happens when we take the time to rest and to pause and to go deep within ourselves and determine the direction that is most appropriate for us. Instead of making decisions from external places, [00:16:00] I felt like the world was really telling me I needed to go IVF.
I felt like that was just the natural next step and. For me to step back and witness and say, is this really right for me was not easy. It was a difficult decision to make.
So how to practice this exploration of depth before direction. In everyday life. So I gave you an example of a really big monumental decision in my life. But knowing that we can't all run off to Bali and sometimes our decisions are not that huge, how can we bring a little more depth into your direction on a regular basis?
So the first thing is to, and I feel like every time I talk about any of this, it's give yourself permission to take some space and pause and reflect. Carve out. A couple of hours for a coffee date with yourself, if that's something that feels good to you. Maybe it is a vacation depending on the magnitude of the decisions that you're making right now.
And frankly, sometimes it's just, a few nights a week. Give yourself a minute to just kinda look at what am [00:17:00] I doing with my days, and do they feel good? It doesn't have to be overly complicated. It's just an invitation to witness. I do have three. I would say maybe guideposts you can follow.
The first one would be if you find this alone time or you find this quiet space that you can reflect, feel it, check in with your body. Which direction feels like pressure and which one feels like peace? And then you can imagine it. If there were no barriers to your peace, which direction would you go if there was nothing in your way?
No people, no places, no money, no nothing in your way. Which way would you head? And then there's an opportunity to realize it. And what I mean by realizing. It is if your inner knowing is really clear, you know [00:18:00] what you need to go do, but you're struggling to go in that direction. This is just an opportunity to check why am I sacrificing my peace?
What is holding me back? So what's the thing that I have to do that feels hard in order to move in this next direction? This direction that is calling me towards more peace or more alignment? Maybe align. Maybe peace isn't the right word. Maybe alignment is what's the thing that I have to do that feels hard?
Play it out in your mind. Or on a page. I am a journaler. I write a lot. There is value in writing things down. If that feels good to you, write down what's the worst thing that could happen if I do that thing, if I say no to the person who has been overstepping boundaries, if I say no to another work event after hours, if I do the thing, [00:19:00] what's the worst that can happen?
And then ask yourself this last question, is it worth that to have more alignment in my life? Or peace, if you wanna call it that. So you don't have to act on this, any of this right now. The idea here isn't to take action. I talk a lot about. We do have to take action at some point in our lives. I feel like we co-create the manifestation of our future.
But right now in the depths, it's not about action. It's about getting to know yourself and creating awareness around what feels like the right direction for you inside your body, which are all signals from your soul. So our hustle culture will say that you have to push and you have to go fast, and you have to iterate.
But divine timing says listen deep and then align. You don't need to rush. You don't need all the answers. [00:20:00] You don't need a perfect plan. Listen deep, set your direction and do your part to take those small, intentional actions towards the direction that feels like peace to you, and then surrender to divine timing.
As always, when we wrap up this podcast, no action required. Like I said, you just need to notice what resonates with you, what felt true, if anything, and let that guide you gently forward. Thank you for sharing this space with me. Until next time, may your days be guided by your inner wisdom and filled with a little more you.
Hi there, I’m Kendra.
I’m a woman forever changed by loss and by the quiet clarity that followed. I walked away from the life I was “supposed” to want and began creating one that felt like home.
Now I work with women who are ready to reclaim their identity, their relational sovereignty, and their soulful leadership. The ones who are done shrinking and ready to start living in their truth.